Just a Little Poem!

Several years ago, when I was sweet twenty-----something, (Well okay, it's more than several years) and working for a Trades Union, I was elected as the Union's Staff representative and had to attend the shop stewards/staff representatives training course. On the first day,  (I was the only female amongst fifteen guys), we were asked to introduce ourselves and state what our current jobs were.


When  I  explained that I was employed by the Union as a secretary working for three full time trades union officers, one of the young men on the course laughed and said, 'That's not a real job is it, you just sit around all day doing your nails and sit on the bosses lap.'  


To say I was livid was an understatement. But, rather than swipe him with my best handbag (well 2 shillings and 6 pennies was a lot for a handbag then), I stood very close to him (invading his personal space - yes I have seen (and love) Dirty Dancing), and calmly explained precisely what a secretary did, how I spent two years at secretarial college learning how to write in a new language (shorthand) and how to use all office machinery - including typing on an antiquated manual typewriter! I also handed him a dictionary and suggested that he used it to learn the meaning of the words I used.   Many years later, I was fortunate to be seconded to the position of a full-time officer...but I digress.


The reason for today's post is to publish a poem I wrote some years after that course. I needed to get the incident out of my system.
I hope you enjoy...

RULES FOR SECRETARIES

(WE ARE STUPID, ARE WE NOT?)

Always know when to smile

And when not to cry

Never say I can’t do that,

Or ask the reason why.

Accept that you are stupid,

Others always know better than you,

Keep a good supply of tissues,

Nail polish and mascara too!

Be very alert and decisive,

 And perfect at every job,

Promise to sort out miracles and the impossible,

                It doesn’t take a lot!

When deciphering streams of scribble,

Or clearing up a mess,

Never complain or lose your temper,

 It only leads to stress.

Always be ready to give out advice,

But ensure it’s not your own,

Secretaries don’t have the right to opinions,          

 Or be allowed to grow.

Never expect a lunch-break,

Coffee time is for those who moan,

And the only time you should exhaust yourself,

Is when you’re heading for home.

Talking on the telephone,

Is a job you must really adore,

And you should be skilled in the art of filing,          

But only with an emery board.

Be fully conversant in silly chitchat,

 Intelligence is not a demand,

But a degree in extrasensory perception,

 Is always good to have at hand.

Computers, PC’s are beyond you, but p-l-e-e-z-e,

It’s pronounced Eye-Tee not it.

Does everything this New Tech,

But alas doesn’t match ones outfit.

Only takes a minute to master,

So we are told by the IT Boffs

Simply press a key, hey presto it’s done,

 Oh dear, we’ve lost the lot!

Faced with TV like screens fixed

To a printer and a compact box,

To make it work, one needs a password,

 Oh, sorry we forgot.

Software, Hardware, programmes,

 No, not the radio kind!

E-mail, the Internet  these are words

 We simply cannot define.

Don’t despair, the keyboard’s still here,

 This is nothing new,

Just ignore the keys with numbers,

 They’ll only exasperate you.

At least it looks very similar

To the ones we’ve used before

And to insult your intelligence further,

The Mouse isn’t furry with claws!

A secretary’s job is easy,

So the experts generally assume,

Simply smile as you take on the banter,

Of those who ridicule you.

For when they need to see the boss,

It really is a gas,

Remember they have to pass you first,

 Then you can have the last laugh!

(c) Pauline E Scatterty




Have a great day.


Keep smiling, keep laughing and keep writing!
A1Writer UK