Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys.
Rum and ice will ruin your liver.
Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart.
Gin and ice will ruin your brain.
Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth.
Apparently, ice is lethal! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice - Just drink it straight.
Copy & paste this immediately. You could save a life. And don't forget, ice also sunk the Titanic!
Thursday 18 August 2011
Thursday 11 August 2011
Ten Top Tips For Twists To Avoid - Writers' Bureau E-Zine Section
I have just finished reading the Ten Top Tips For Twists To Avoid article (my goodness all those 'Ts') in the Writers E-Zine section for August 2011 at Writers Bureau and I'm gutted!
Before reading the article, I was ecstatic. Having completed several short stories, which I personally thought were great (well I am my # 1 fan), after spending several agonising months working on my little darlings, getting the plots and themes just right, perfecting the spelling and grammar, ensuring the layout was in accordance with the guidelines, making sure the word count wasn't one word over the required number, mothering my characters, and carrying out laborious research to ensure certain facts were correct - (well, I couldn't have one of my characters using a mobile phone in the 1945, could I?) All done and dusted. Yippee! I shouted. I can now send off my stories to various competitions and publishers. But before I do, I'll just have a read at the August edition of the Writers' Bureau E-zine website. Cue - click on Ten Top Tips...
Anyway, according to the tips for twists to avoid, it seems all my new short stories will end up on a publisher's slush pile. Whaah!
Here's the list:
Before reading the article, I was ecstatic. Having completed several short stories, which I personally thought were great (well I am my # 1 fan), after spending several agonising months working on my little darlings, getting the plots and themes just right, perfecting the spelling and grammar, ensuring the layout was in accordance with the guidelines, making sure the word count wasn't one word over the required number, mothering my characters, and carrying out laborious research to ensure certain facts were correct - (well, I couldn't have one of my characters using a mobile phone in the 1945, could I?) All done and dusted. Yippee! I shouted. I can now send off my stories to various competitions and publishers. But before I do, I'll just have a read at the August edition of the Writers' Bureau E-zine website. Cue - click on Ten Top Tips...
Anyway, according to the tips for twists to avoid, it seems all my new short stories will end up on a publisher's slush pile. Whaah!
Here's the list:
Fable of the Porcupine
I never knew porcupines were so cute as
babies. Good story with a great message.
Fable of the
Porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
Have you ever
seen a baby porcupine?
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After a while,
they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die,
alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of
their companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
I firmly believe there is hope for us!
2011: The following questions were set in last year's GSE
examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Monday 1 August 2011
Nearly One Year On!
I can't believe that with just one month to go, I will have been a student of WB for one year, and yet I have completed just two assignments!
I can only apologise to myself for the dwindling enthusiasm of the course, and I have no excuse. I could, of course, say that 'life is taking over'- but at the end of the day, I am just not motivated enough to finish assignment three and start number four.
I did, however, receive good comments from my tutor on my first two assignments, although to be honest, I wasn't too enamoured at my tutor's, 'see this post for advice on dialogue punctuation' with an html link to their blog/website, comment on my second assignment.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having errors pointed out to me, I expect that and I am all for people advertising their websites, blogs and books at every opportunity. But I do take exception at having blatant adverts linked to advice comments on my course work, especially when the comments referred to two, (yes, just two) 'dialogue punctuation' errors, in a 1,180 word short (mostly dialogue) story. My 'errors' were typographical ones, where I'd missed a comma before, 'he said' in one place and I used a capital letter instead of a lower case letter in another.
Nevertheless, I decided, what the heck, as my tutor is a published writer, I'll have a look at the article. Who knows, there may be something on punctuation that I don't know, or something new and I clicked on the link. The article was good, for someone who knew absolutely nothing about dialogue punctuation and was new to writing. As I said, my two errors were typographical. There was, however, a link in the article referring to the tutor's 'checklist for writers' book and thinking there would be a more detailed resume of the book, and other tips and advice that I would find useful, I clicked on that link. I was taken directly to Ebay with a view to purchasing the book.
There were mixed reviews from other buyers and even though I didn't really need another advice book on punctuation, dialogue or otherwise, as the book (rrp £9.99 which I think is reasonable for a good writing instruction book) was being sold brand new for £5.82 with free delivery, and my tutor had written it, I bought it. At least I can add it to my rather extensive library. :-)
Was it a good buy? Well, to be honest, it's not the best resource book on writing, but it was easy to read and will be helpful for anyone who is just starting out. There are some good tips on sending in articles to magazines, and I will keep it in my collection simply because my tutor co-authored it.
Think I ought to get back to my assignments.
Keep smiling, keep laughing and keep writing.
I can only apologise to myself for the dwindling enthusiasm of the course, and I have no excuse. I could, of course, say that 'life is taking over'- but at the end of the day, I am just not motivated enough to finish assignment three and start number four.
I did, however, receive good comments from my tutor on my first two assignments, although to be honest, I wasn't too enamoured at my tutor's, 'see this post for advice on dialogue punctuation' with an html link to their blog/website, comment on my second assignment.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having errors pointed out to me, I expect that and I am all for people advertising their websites, blogs and books at every opportunity. But I do take exception at having blatant adverts linked to advice comments on my course work, especially when the comments referred to two, (yes, just two) 'dialogue punctuation' errors, in a 1,180 word short (mostly dialogue) story. My 'errors' were typographical ones, where I'd missed a comma before, 'he said' in one place and I used a capital letter instead of a lower case letter in another.
Nevertheless, I decided, what the heck, as my tutor is a published writer, I'll have a look at the article. Who knows, there may be something on punctuation that I don't know, or something new and I clicked on the link. The article was good, for someone who knew absolutely nothing about dialogue punctuation and was new to writing. As I said, my two errors were typographical. There was, however, a link in the article referring to the tutor's 'checklist for writers' book and thinking there would be a more detailed resume of the book, and other tips and advice that I would find useful, I clicked on that link. I was taken directly to Ebay with a view to purchasing the book.
There were mixed reviews from other buyers and even though I didn't really need another advice book on punctuation, dialogue or otherwise, as the book (rrp £9.99 which I think is reasonable for a good writing instruction book) was being sold brand new for £5.82 with free delivery, and my tutor had written it, I bought it. At least I can add it to my rather extensive library. :-)
Was it a good buy? Well, to be honest, it's not the best resource book on writing, but it was easy to read and will be helpful for anyone who is just starting out. There are some good tips on sending in articles to magazines, and I will keep it in my collection simply because my tutor co-authored it.
Think I ought to get back to my assignments.
Keep smiling, keep laughing and keep writing.
Monthly Joke
The Irish Millionaire
Mick, from
Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To be a Millionaire' and towards the end of the
program he’d already won 500,000 Euros.
"You've done very well so far,"
said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter. "But for a million Euros you've
only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this
question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have
a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT
build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush
c) Magpie
d) Cuckoo."
"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, ''So
I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy
back home in Dublin."
Chris called up Paddy, explained the circumstances,
and passed him over to Mick who repeated the question to him.
"*#+*in hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's
simple, it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm #*+*in sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll
go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked
Chris.
"Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the
presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick. You've won 1 million Euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their
local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name
did you know it was da cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a *#*+in
clock!"
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