2011: The following questions were set in last year's GSE
examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and
they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four
seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and
vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes
by which water can be made safe to drink
A.
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q.
How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on
the leaves and makes them perspire
Q.
What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The
tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist
on
A. If you are buying a house they will
insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a
democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets
an election
Q. What are
steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets
still on the stairs (Shoot yourself
now, there is little hope)
Q.. What
happens to your body as you age
A. When you
get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood
and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a
major disease associated with cigarettes
A.
Premature death
Q. What is artificial
insemination
A. When the farmer does it to
the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can
you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in
the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised
(e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted
into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium
contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q.
What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium (That would
work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term
'Caesarian section'
A. The caesarian
section is a district in Rome
Q. What is
a seizure?
A. A Roman
Emperor. (Julius
Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q.
What is a terminal illness
A. When you are
sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give
an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they
look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word
'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your
face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be
eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his
head
Now I know where I am going wrong in my writing. :-)
Hmmm ... I've read a lot of these types of post but I'm not so sure they are all genuine. Think about it - how do they get sent out like this? Surely the marker with so many hundreds, perhaps thousands of paper to mark would ahrdly have to time to collate the answers? Yes, they are amusing but I tend to take them with a very large shovel of salt ;-)))
ReplyDeleteThank you Pauline, the best laugh I have had for a long while!! Highly amusing, and, in some cases, almost too good to be true ...
ReplyDelete